It's the day after Christmas.I don't want to sound like a Scrooge but it was just like another day for me.The holidays seemed to have lost there luster and cheer is just not there.I of course understand what the meaning of Christmas is and the fact that it is time for celebration.I think my emotions just got lost somewhere on the way to the day.My mom is all attitude to me.She does not care about whatever I might be going through,but I have to always be there for her drama.I would not mind if she didnt cut me off and tell me that what I worry about is nothing.I feel like her therapist sometimes...I'm so sick of it!
Also,my father all of a sudden wants to be part of my life? 30 years of nothing and now something?
CRAZY!!!
I am cautious.I know nobody in my family wants anything for nothing,Alterior motive much? Totally! It is a battle of spite between him and my mom.I am not wanting to be the object they are fighting over.It's all about who gets my loyalty,not about caring about me.Just so long as the other does not have it.
I wonder why I was born in this family.Please God show me why...there must be some reason or logic for me to be surrounded be a group of people that are so self centered.I want my freedom.I want to be selfish for once and grab a bit of happiness.I feel like making others feel better about themselves is what I am stuck in the slump of.I totally get attacked if I am not licking someones feet.(not actual licking,thats to nasty to think about).Looking forward to another lonely new years eve.....NOT!
maybe next year will be my year...I just would like to feel love before I pass away.I do not want to have lived a worthless existance....
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