The class I was freaked out about was cancelled.This is good and bad.Good because I did not know how I was getting there and back,and bad becuse "Al" worked really hard to get things set up for me and get the funds.
Also I have been dealing with crap about medicaid not receiving my spend down.Now I have payed them twice.I mailed january's in december and now mailed another one because "they couldn't find it".
My brother is calling me at all hours,I don't know what for.I think it might just be to put me down,in front of his friends and look like hot stuff.I am sooooo done with that petty crap.
I just wish I could create a new life.I am a huge gamer,and find myself to get into the game so much that for hours I am altered.In a false reality state.It scares me because I might do something I regret.So I have cut back on the games.
I have discovered and been scared to tell anyone this next thing.I should probrobly tell my therapist but I don't know what might happen.
I lose days.I can barely remember being alive the day before.Memories are fading,and I am forgetting.
I feel hardly anything for others.I can focus on one person and that is all.My love for Al is the only thing I feel like I can connect with.
I am scared.I feel like each day is being erased behind me,and the memories fade to fast.Only massive things stick and they are not what they once were.Dear God I am afraid.I am a robot who's data is constantly erased.Who can not feel emotions for others in mass form.My time perception is stressful,and I am in constant pain.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.Wanna wake up from this nightmare and feel real.
blog y'all later,gotta coffee myself up to finish the day.
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