I have made myself the fool....AGAIN!

Massive migrane today.Still battling this flu and getting no where.Tired of the cold sweats,phlegm,ears popping in and out and my voice cracking like a boy going through puberty.
Also on my current "hell" list my hair keeps falling out due to stress.
It might be harder to get "Al's" attention if I am bald.Still hurt and angry that he thought he had to lie and hide from me.Of course I want to slap him and shout at him frantically.
That would be a beautiful moment for him to grab my face,look at me firmly,and kiss me to make me shut up.

My weird fantasy is ...well...not usually what one does after being slapped!
When I push my current hurt aside,I know I really do not weant to slap him...maybe I should kick him instead!...no ....I dont want to hurt him at all.Eventhough he made my trust level go wayyyyyyyyy down.He was the only human I trusted.I could tell him anything,and to think that he could not even tell me a simple thing like "I have some extra work to catch up on,so I will be busy all next week.I dont really have time to talk".
I would have acted playfully upset for a moment...but the moment would pass and I would have delt with it.
Look it Al, you did not have to say you would not be at work...I thought you were going off to "play war" for a week.Although you never said you were.You did say that you couldnt tell me what you were doing.I respect that...but you led me to believe if I tryed to call you at work you would not be there.

Come to think of it....I have called you at work and you have always been in the field.You are there but you are not.
So maybe you left out some important details....but maybe you really did not intend to lie to me at all.
It could be me being overly emotional again.I just wish I knew that you could tell me the truth.That you dont have to hide anything or lie.
I really though we both trusted each other....I feel like a fool again..and I was the one who made myself that fool.You made no promises...but I put you up on a pedestel anyway.We did establish the fact verbally that we always tell each other the truth.That we dont lie to each other.
I suppose we are human.
I am sorry I freaked out Al.I just love you so much and respect you beyond anything.
I want you to feel comfortable with me.
http://www.youtube.com/?v=rjPb2HJI0Co